DEATHTRAP
by Helena Oe
Summary: A thriller in three acts.
1. Act I

Disclaimer: I own so little of this story it amuses me. Therefore, Ms. Rowling and Mr. Levins, please don't be upset. I mean you no harm.

DEATHTRAP

Characters:

James Potter… an aged auror and strategist for the Ministry of Magic and Order of the Phoenix.

Lily Potter… his devoted wife of 25 years and former auror.

Draco Malfoy… a young auror and devilishly handsome young man.

Act I

(Set in West Borough, a remote village commonly used as a vacation spot/second home for wealthy wizards. Now in the Potter's abode, Lily is sitting on her living room couch, a limp cigarette dangling from her mouth, and she is picking at her fingernails anxiously. An audible, but faint pop is heard and James places a hand on Lily's shoulder, to which she screams.)

James: Why is it every time I'm in this bloody house, YOU SCREAM?

Lily: Oh, Darling, I'm so sorry… I was just so anxious.

(She runs into his arms and covers him with kisses to which he shrugs her off, disgusted.)

James: Have you been smoking?

(Lily nods guiltily.)

James: You cannot do this to me. Must I worry about you every time I leave this house?

Lily: I'm sorry, my darling, but this was the first mission I haven't been with you on, and I was so anxious.

James: Well, you should know how they turn out by now. Fifth bomb in a row.

Lily: It couldn't have been that bad…

James: The Death Eaters figured us out five steps out the door.

Lily: Oh, Jamesie-poo…

James: Do not call me that. Face it Lily, I'm washed up. I couldn't lead a mission with a decent strategy to save my life.

Lily: You are not washed up! You are James Potter- inventor of the Murder Game, the most-used and least-detected strategy of the Order and Ministry combined.

James: That's who I was, Lily. I've lost it; I've lost my touch.

Lily: No…

(She curls beside him, trying to lace his arm around her shoulders, but he constantly pulls away.)

James: And to top it all off, I received this today!

(He pulls a manila envelope fro his pocket and waves it over his head manically.)

Lily: What is it?

James: Death Trap, a battle strategy devised and written by some 24-year-old shmuck of an auror who is just "trying out" the strategy scene.

Lily: What's so special about it?

James: What's so special? It's brilliant, flawless; unbeatable, in fact.

Lily: Well, why did he send it to you?

(She subconsciously lights another cigarette)

James: He attended the seminar I gave seven years ago and I suppose he took it to heart when I told them I'd be happy to proof any ideas they had… ideas! It's come with bloody visuals and all.

Lily: This could be a good thing, my darling Darling. What if you collaborate?

(James merely gives a shifty look in her direction)

Lily: You could lead the mission with him as the advisor. You could use this as a change of pace, get the ideas flowing again.

James: Lily, get that cigarette out of your mouth.

(She complies)

Lily: Sorry, dear.

James: No, Lily, I can't just collaborate. This kid is Draco Malfoy, reformed son of the infamous Lucius Malfoy. He couldn't waste his time with me when he'd be making a fortune for himself out there.

Lily: I thought it might be a good idea.

(An idea visibly dawns on James' distraught face)

James: No, Lily, would you like to know what would be a good idea?

Lily: What, Darling?

James: To take a mace to this guy's head and claim Death Trap as my own.

(Lily lets out an exasperated zebra-like laugh)

Lily: Oh, Jamesie-poo, even in the cloudy times, you keep that sense of humor.

James: I told you not to call me that.

Lily: What? Darling, you can't be serious. That's ridiculous.

James: Is it? He's house sitting- alone- three hours from here. He's unmarried and no one else knows he's even working on Death Trap.

(Lily stares wide-eyed for a moment before letting out a second zebra-laugh)

Lily: Well, Darling… invite him up.


	2. Act II

Act II

(Same setting, with Draco Malfoy standing in his coat at the front door)

James: Well, Mr. Malfoy, I'm so glad you could make it on such short notice.

Draco: Well, I could hardly pass it up, could I?

Lily: Oh, Mr. Malfoy, James has been raving about your strategy. Simply raving. He has so many ideas, it's simply thrilling. Thrilling!

James: Lily... go sit down and let me talk to Mr. Malfoy.

Draco: Oh, please, Mr. Potter, call me Draco.

James: Alright, Draco, if you'll make sure to call me James.

Draco: Of course.

James: Please have a seat, Draco.

(He sits)

Lily: Could I get you anything to drink, Mr. Malfoy?

Draco: I'll take a ginger ale, if you don't mind.

Lily: Not at all. And a scotch, James?

James: No, I think I'll take a ginger ale as well.

(He smiles creepily at Draco, who scoots further on the couch. Lily brings them their drinks, then sits meekly across the room)

Draco: Well, first, Mr. Potter- I mean James- this is an absolute honor to be here, in your home. I mean, your Run For Cover battle plan was part of the reason I became an auror. It's just... such a pleasure to even be considered by such a name in the industry as yourself.

Lily: Wait, Mr. Malfoy!

James: Lily, sit down...

Lily: No, I will not sit down, because this is just not right. Mr. Malfoy, you had no right to ask my husband to drop everything he's doing to proof your "Death Trap." And James, it was wrong of you to accept his draft at all when you're so busy. So, here's what I think we should all do- James, collaborate on Death Trap. You lead the mission, and Mr. Malfoy, operates it. I'm sure it will bring in more than enough money for all involved.

James: Are you quite through, Lily?

Lily: Yes.

Draco: You know, I think Mrs. Potter is right, I shouldn't have barged in on you like this and I'm sorry. Now that I think about it, I'd like a second opinion on my strategy because, while I have the deepest respect for you, James, I think Death Trap is ready to be submitted as is.

(Lily exchanges a fearful look with James)

James: You are absolutely right, and if you have any second thoughts, come straight back to me, and I'll give you my opinion.

(Draco stands to leave, but before he can do so, James opens a door behind them, revealing a room full of antique weapons)

James: Before you go, I thought I might show you a little hobby of mine. I think you might be interested.

(Draco is breath taken by the display)

Draco: Is that... a mace?

James: Yes, my father collected it for me on his voyage to Scandinavia. It was quite the find.

Draco: Why do you own them, since the only real weapon you need is a wand?

James: Like I said, just a hobby. Now, I'd like you to see something.

(He pulls out a very old looking pair of handcuffs, and Draco takes them in hand, surveying them carefully)

James: They are a pair of handcuffs used by the famous muggle magician Harry Houdini... put them on.

(Draco puts them on, sitting in a chair to do so)

Draco: Wow, they seem pretty tight.

James: Yes, well, they had to be, didn't they?

(Draco gets visibly nervous and tries to reach his wand in his robes with the handcuffs on)

James: Don't bother; I've put a spell on them so they can't be opened with magic. More fun that way. I have a key around here somewhere...

(He fingers his way through the weapons, holding each one contemplatively as Lily stands in the doorway, a cigarette in hand)

Lily: James, my heart can't take it.

James: Be quiet, Lily.

(Draco is fidgeting from discomfort by this time)

Draco: You know, I should tell you, there's a lady expecting me at eight. That's about what time it is now, isn't it?

(No response, and James continues looking through the weapons)

Draco: Her name is Calliope Vanderbilt; she's a cousin of mine. Anyway, I left a note telling her where I was, and that I'd meet her tonight. So, if you don't find that key soon, she'll be getting pretty worried...

Lily: You hear that, James, she'll be worried...

(They both look at James nervously)

James: And here they are!

(He produces the key triumphantly and Lily and Draco both let out relieved chuckles)

James: I do believe the pair of you thought I was going to take that axe up there and... well, you know the rest.

Draco: You can't have a mind like that without causing some suspicion.

(Lily backs away into a chair where she deposits her cigarette. Draco begins to try to unlock himself from the handcuffs when James comes from behind him and wraps a thick chain around his neck. He strangles him, falling on to the floor, while Lily screams loudly, running about the living room frantically. Eventually, Draco stops struggling, dead. James stands back to survey the situation)

James: Right on the rug; one point for neatness.

(He then goes to the kitchen to wash his hands briefly before returning to the body and covering it with the rug)

James: Lily, come help me carry him out to the vegetable patch.

(She doesn't move)

James: Lily, come and help me carry him out...

(She still doesn't move)

James: LILY, GET THE BLOODY HELL OVER HERE TO HELP ME CARRY HIM TO THE BLOODY VEGETABLE PATCH!!!

(She complies and they both disappear out the back door)


	3. Act III

Act III

(Same setting. Lily and James are sitting close to a foot from each other with glasses of brandy on the couch, both staring straight ahead)

James: Now, remember this- you tried to stop me. If the truth should ever come out, you had nothing to do with any of this. Nothing at all, understand?

Lily: You know, I've run it over in mind again and again and I still can't see how you could do it. Even with all of your embarrassment and our financial situation, I can't see how you could do it. You've changed, James, and it can't have just been in the last three hours. You're a different man from the one I married.

(James sits silently)

Lily: In a month or so, when everything's cleared over, I want you to leave. We'll have a few arguments in people's living rooms about money or something, and then you'll pack up, leave, and buy the vegetable patch.

James: You're not in your right mind. You have just been through a traumatic experience and you are not yourself. Let's give it a week, and then we can talk about it seriously.

Lily: I am serious, James. I don't want anything to do with you ever again.

James: Come, Lily, come to bed and we'll see how we feel in the morning.

(He leads her to the staircase and she follows, almost warming up to him. Then she hears a slight rustle from above and clutches him in fear)

Lily: Oh, Darling, I heard something, I can't go up there.

James: There is nothing up there; it's just your imagination being cruel.

Lily: I won't go up, James.

James: Come now, do you want me to show you that there's nothing? I will...

(He disappears up the staircase and she goes back down to ground level)

James' voice from above: See, nothing up here...

(We here a muffled shout and then we see James topple down the stairs, a disheveled looking Draco following him. Draco is now covered in mud and blood is matted to his throat where he had previously been strangled. Draco has a thick branch in his hand and begins to beat James over the head with it until he appears unconscious. Draco chases Lily through the living room as she screams; flailing her limbs like a lemur caught fire. Suddenly, mid-scream, she clutches her chest and heaves a great breath before falling limp to the ground. Draco leans forward to feel her pulse, before wiping his fingerprints from her wrist. He then holds a small mirror in front of her mouth, checking her breath. He then stands slowly as James appears behind him)

Draco: I can't believe it worked.

James: She's dead?

Draco: As a doornail.

James: Yes, well, it's to be expected. She's had minor heart attacks over lesser things.

(He removes a dangling cobweb from the younger man)

James: Perhaps you should wash up; you look a mess.

Draco: Right.

(He goes into the kitchen as James sits on the couch)

James: I'm going to wait a few minutes before I alert the authorities. Don't want any miraculous revivals, now do we?

Draco's voice: Sure don't!

James: Oh, and for reference, that Styrofoam block hurts. You hit much harder than you did in the motel room.

Draco's voice: Wanted to make it convincing, didn't we?

James: And I'd say we achieved that, Draco.

(Draco appears from the kitchen, cleaned up considerably and now lacking a shirt)

James: I think I'll call them now, so you'd better get upstairs.

Draco: Right, Ciao.

James: Ciao. Oh, and the floors creak slightly, so be quiet and wait in bed. I may have to wait with her for a while, so I'll expect you to be asleep when I get back.

(They look into each other's eyes for a moment before James runs a hand down Draco's bare chest and catches his lips in a passionate kiss. Draco takes the older man's arms tightly)

Draco: Don't be long- I won't be asleep.

James: I'll do my best.

(Draco disappears up the stairs and James apparates from the living room, leaving Lily's dead body alone)


End file.
